Walls: Rahab's Soliloquy

The Hebrew spies have gone. Now I sit pondering a turn of events that have changed my life forever.The men came and I helped them in exchange for saving my life and the lives of my family – the ones I must persuade to enter these walls. I have tied a scarlet rope to the window and that cord has become the token of my survival.

The hardest task lies ahead of me. There is a wall inside of me that separates me from the ones I must try to save; parents, a brother and a sister that I have not spoken to in years. I must face this wall in me, for I cannot remain silent and let them die. I must at least, give them the chance to choose life.

How can I do this? My wall is so high, and the barriers that enclose them are just as thick and wide.

The fortress that surrounds my mother is almost impregnable. She is ashamed of me, her daughter, a prostitute. She has vowed never to talk to me again as long as I continued in my current profession. And yet, her rejection of me turned me in this direction. Do I need her to admit she has placed this brick in my wall? Yes, I do. But I will go to her soon. I will appear at her door to say, “Come home with me, Mother. I am willing to change. There is a scarlet rope in my window that tells me I must, and there is so little time. Come home with me, Mother, and we will start anew.”

The wall my brother hides behind may not be as high and wide as the others – it’s just farther away. What will I say to my brother? We betrayed each other in the darkness, then there was no place to hide. He is still my brother and I don’t want him to die. So I will travel the distance to tell him, “Come home with me. I am willing to change. There is a scarlet rope in my window that tells me I must, and there is so little time. Come home with me, my brother, and we will start anew.”

There is a little sister I do not know very well at all. She was the favored one and I was not. When I think of her I can feel a thorn stab at my heart. Little sister, you make my wall so hard. It was always difficult for us to be friends. I never wanted you under my roof when I left, yet, there is a scarlet red line in my window that now bids you come. “Come home with me?” I will ask her. “I am willing to change. There is a scarlet rope in my window that tells me I must, and there is so little time. Come home with me, my sister, and we will start anew.”

I think of my father and he brings the greatest grief. He sits sulking behind his wall, nursing his anger at me. I have fled before his rage so many times. In my heart do I want him to live or die? When I envision a future that holds for him only death, will I remain silent and let it be my revenge? There is a scarlet rope in my window that tells me, “No.” I will stand on the other side of his wall and I will say to him, “Come home with me, father, I am willing to change. There is a scarlet rope in my window that tells me I must, and there is so little time. Come home with me, Father, and we will start anew.”

I arise and draw on my cloak. My hand is on the door. The wall within me is trembling, and I know it must be the first to fall.

copyright 1996 by H.D. Shively